


Human Disasters

by GrowlingPeanut



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, F/M, M/M, Troy Wears Glasses, Vomiting, i know those relationship tags are scary but don't worry, liberal swearing, the past ones are barely mentioned, troy is a human disaster, tyreen is too but she has to keep troy from completely crashing and burning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:56:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrowlingPeanut/pseuds/GrowlingPeanut
Summary: This is literally just a bunch of drabbles from the College AU idea that wouldn't leave me alone. Some of them might follow a timeline, but most of them will be one-offs of a specific scene. Pretty twin-centric, but there will be bits focused on other characters as well.





	1. Heartbreak Hangover

“TROY! WAKE UP, ASSHOLE!”

He didn’t even open his eyes, just whipped the pillow out from under his head and threw it at the sound of his sister’s voice.

It connected with a _fwhomp_ and he was vaguely aware of a flurry of muffled curses, followed by her footsteps stomping across the floor.

“My _God_ , you are the fucking _worst!_ ” The last word was punctuated with a slap across the back of his head. “I _will_ give this presentation myself, watch me. Or don’t, ‘cause you’ll still be fucking _sleeping!_ ”

“W’ got all day…” he slurred.

“No! We _don’t!_ You fucking slept until noon! We have _one hour_ , you moron!” Her fingers closed around his arm. “If you don’t get out of bed—” _Yank_.

“ _Fuck_ , Tyreen! Goddamn…” He turned over, thrashing her hand off of his arm. “I’m _up_ , okay? _Christ_ …” The lights swam in his eyes and his sister’s scowling face hovered nebulously over him. “I’m up…”

“Sure as hell don’t look _like_ it,” she growled. “I’ll dump out the ice tray on you if I have to.”

He groaned and dragged himself to his feet. His stomach protested. His head protested. …everything protested. “M'gonna puke…”

Tyreen took a step to the side, motioning to the bathroom with a wholly unnecessary flourish. “Do it before you’re up in front of a full lecture hall!” Her voice was _stupidly_ cheerful.

It only made him feel worse. He stumbled past her, barely making it to the sink. What came up was a painful mixture of alcohol and stomach acid.

“Oh, gross…” He could see Tyreen’s reflection behind him. She was leaned against the doorframe, one hand on her hip, _smirking_. “You _know_ you shouldn’t drink.”

Yeah. He knew. It ended like this every damn time. But in the wake of _that_ break-up? The temporary numbness of drinking himself into a stupor was _bliss_. His stomach flipped again. _Fuck_ , it burned.

“You’re a hot mess, Troy,” Tyreen sighed. “I’ll get you some water…”

He coughed. Spit. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah…” She waved him off and left for the kitchen.

He glared at himself in the mirror. “You’re a pathetic asshole.” God he looked _horrible_. His hair was a _mess_ , his eyes were…well, they _looked_ red, but everything was still hazy. “Getting fucking wasted over a guy you _swore_ you wouldn’t get attached to…”

“Getting advice from your reflection?” Tyreen appeared at his side, holding out a glass of water. “Here. _Don’t_ chug it. Little bits.”

“I know, I _know_ …”

“Finish that, clean up the sink, brush your teeth,” she started counting off on her fingers. “Get dressed, run a comb through your hair, and let’s get _going_.”

“Not a kid, Ty.”

“No, you’re my idiot brother who can’t fucking take care of himself.” She tossed a shirt at him. It landed on his head. “I think that’s clean.”

All he could do was sigh. He _really_ shouldn’t drink.

********************

“I am…seriously impressed, dude. You look like _shit_.” Gaige snickered and nudged the girl standing next to her. “Well, shittier than usual.”

“Fuck off, Freckles.”

“Hey…! It was a good presentation! That’s a compliment, I’m saying you can still explain—ugh, whatever. Meet Moze!” She slung her arm around the other girl’s shoulders. “She just transferred in! She’s my new roommate! Troy, Moze. Moze, Troy. He’s not normally this much of an asshole.”

Tyreen snorted beside him.

“Oh, yeah, and this is Tyreen. They’re twins.”

“Heya.” The girl held out one hand, pushing back her oversized beanie with the other. “Gaige’s told me…a lot.”

Troy rolled his eyes, but shook her hand. “Nothing good, I’m sure.”

“Well…”

Troy managed a tired laugh. “Yeah, I figured.” This new girl was kinda cute, in a…feral raccoon sort of way—no, he couldn’t be doing this, he’d _just_ been dumped—

“So…twins, huh?”

“Believe it or not!” Tyreen chirped, reaching for Moze’s offered hand. “I know it’s hard to see.”

“No, no, it’s…I can see it. The eyes, mostly. And you’re both pretty cute.” She shrugged.

Troy heard Tyreen saying _something_ in response to that, but Moze’s attention was locked solely on him. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “I really need to pass out again…and probably throw up some more, so I’m gonna go do that…”

“Yeah, good. Sleep it all off.” Gaige started steering Moze toward the direction of their next class. “Text me when you make up your mind on that thing, yeah?”

“…thing?”

“The thing! That Rhys put together?”

“Right. Sure, I’ll…yeah.” He shook his head and turned back in the direction of the engineering housing complex. He needed to be in the right state of mind to deal with Rhys and he was definitely not in that state of mind _now_.

“Nice to meet you, Moze!” Tyreen called after them. She shoved Troy’s arm. “What the hell was _that_ about?”

“What.”

“You _know_ what.”

He heaved a sigh. “My skull feels like it’s about to split open, can we _please_ talk about this later.” _Like, way later. ‘Once-I’m-over-my-ex’ later._ Rebounds never worked out for him.

“ _Fine_. But you’ll be seeing a _lot_ more of her, so you’re gonna have to get your shit together.”

“Sure,” he yawned. _Tomorrow. He’d get his shit together tomorrow._


	2. Rescue Rebound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow-up to Heartbreak Hangover. The girls get together for drinks. Troy handles his emotions in an interesting way.

“Ooh…margaritas!” Sasha practically pounced all the way from the door to the nearest blender.

“Courtesy of your _selfless_ donations…” Tyreen tapped her knife against the edge of each as she listed them. “We got strawberry, lime, and…” She dipped her finger into the last one. “…peach! If you want some variety.”

“Straight tequila shots?”

Tyreen snatched the bottle away from Fiona’s wandering hand. “Nuh uh. We wanna have _fun_ , not get shitfaced. Besides…” she tilted the bottle, frowning. “ _Miiiight_ not have enough for the rest of the mix—”

“What’s _up_ , nerds?!”

“Funny, coming from you.” Tyreen raised an eyebrow, but didn't look up from the lime she was slicing.

Gaige huffed out a half-offended sound. “At least I’m not majoring in sociology, or whatever.” She dumped her backpack beside the couch. “What’re you gonna _do_ with that, anyway?”

“Start a cult?”

“Yeah, good _luck_. I’ve _seen_ your ECHOgram, you’ve only got, like, 500 followers.”

“Compared to your…what, fifty?” Tyreen leveled a smug grin at the redhead’s pout. “Nice try.” She licked the lime juice from her fingers and waved the knife at Moze, who was still standing semi-awkwardly near the door. “Just make yourself comfy, hon. Nothin’s off-limits. Except Troy’s room, but you don’t wanna go in there, anyway.”

“Uh…speaking of Troy…“ Sasha’s voice drifted over from the couch. "He’s got more followers than _both_ of you.” She held up her phone. “743.”

Simultaneous cries of indignance flooded the small room.

“What the _FUCK_ —”

“How in the _hell_ —” Gaige beelined for the couch, her drink forgotten. Without hesitation, she vaulted over the back and landed next to Sasha. “I didn’t even know he _had_ one! Lemme see. Oh, Ty, it’s you!”

Tyreen pinched the bridge of her nose. “Drunk karaoke? Yeah…” She moodily garnished her drink and joined the rest of them. “I just don’t get how he has more…” She mellowed into grumbling as she curled up on a chair in the corner of the room. “…fucker.”

Gaige snickered, popping back to her feet to retrieve her drink. “The fatal weakness in your perfect sibling relationship, huh?”

“I’m not _that_ jealous, I just, y’know, spend _hours_ doing tutorials and editing the videos and he records thirty seconds of me singing 'Hey, Mama’ after a dozen shots and…” She glowered at Sasha. “You and Fi would never—”

Fiona’s loud laughter cut her off. “Oh, I _definitely_ would.”

Sasha agreed with a disappointed nod.

Tyreen sighed. “It’s petty and it shouldn’t bother me, but…”

“But that’s why we’re here,” Fiona reminded. “To drink and bitch!”

“To drink and bitch!” the rest of them echoed, raising their glasses.

“Or just drink,” Moze piped.

Fiona smirked. “I _knew_ I liked you.”

“I mean, I just got here and so far? No complaints.”

Gaige plopped down beside her on the floor and patted her arm. “Valid.”

“Okay, then _I’ll_ start.” Fiona took a long drink before setting the glass carefully onto the coffee table. “So...my ex—”

A collective groan rose from the group.

“—yeah, he _swore up and down_ that he wouldn’t start shit with Rhys, but _what_ does he do?” She didn’t let the question hang long. “Starts shit with Rhys!”

Sasha kicked her feet up. “Guy’s a fucking asshole. I don’t know what you ever saw in him, honestly.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us. Rhys is a dumbass, but at least he’s not a lying, cheating—”

The front door of the apartment opened just loudly enough to bring the conversation to a halt. Troy shuffled in with his bag hanging off of one arm and his jacket bundled in the other, oblivious to anyone else. He kicked the door shut, abandoned his bag next to the kitchen counter, and made it halfway across the apartment before Tyreen cleared her throat.

“…what’cha got there, bro?”

“Uh…”

“You look kinda...guilty.”

“No, I, um…” He tossed his hair. Readjusted his glasses. Heaved a defeated sigh. "...it's a cat.” Sure enough, the jacket mewled.

_Instant_ mayhem.

“A _cat?!_ ”

“Don’t get it near me! I forgot to take my allergy meds!”

“I hope you don’t want to _keep_ it—”

“Everybody shut the fuck up, you’re scaring him.” Troy elbowed his way past his sister, toward the coffee table. “I found him around the back of the building. We don’t have to keep him, I just figured I’d get him outta the cold.“ He set the jacket down, pulled back a few loosely-folded layers, and extracted a wiggling orange kitten. “ _Buuuut_ …I _might’ve_ named him already…”

“ _Troy…_ ”

He tucked the kitten to his chest, looking offended. "Just for tonight, Ty, I _promise_. In the morning I’ll take him to the shelter—don’t look at me like _that_.” He grabbed his jacket from the table and turned on his heel. “I’m gonna give him a bath.”

“Troy, you _know_ campus policy—”

“Fuck campus policy! I’m not putting him back out!” The slam of the bathroom door sounded like an exclamation mark.

“Don’t get rabies!” Sasha called after him.

“Bold of you to assume he doesn’t already have it…” Tyreen dropped her head into her hands. “Fuckin’ idiot.”

Gaige’s grin was too wide to be innocent. “Hey, Troy! What’s his name!?”

“Mal!” came the muffled reply, followed by a sharp, “Oh, _shit_ —ow!”

“Cute!”

“Stop _encouraging_ him,” Tyreen groaned. “I’m at _least_ ninety percent of his impulse control and I don’t need you making things worse.” She paused, then let her head fall back with a weary sigh. “But I guess as far as breakup behavior goes, rescuing a cat is better than rebounding…”

“How bad _was_ that breakup, anyway?”

“Lethal, based on how he’s acting.” She rubbed at her eyes. “I…shouldn’t be mean. Troy gets invested. I think he was _waaaay_ more into it than August was—”

Sasha nearly choked on her drink.

“You good?”

She brushed off Fiona’s back-patting. “Yeah, I’m good, I’m good. Just—” _cough_ “—went the wrong way. All good.”

“You should let him have a couple drinks with us,” Moze suggested. “Maybe—”

Four voices shouted, “No!” in unison.

“Or…not?”

Tyreen huffed. “You know how most people have an alcohol tolerance? Troy has an alcohol _intolerance_. That first day you met us? Yeah, he was fucking _trashed_ ‘cause he spent the whole night trying to drown his broken heart.”

Troy’s voice drifted out from behind the bathroom door. “…I _heard_ that!”

“It’s not a secret!” Tyreen yelled back.

Troy grumbled something inaudible, then emerged. Shirtless. The kitten squirmed inside a towel. “Little dude scratches like a motherfucker… Someone wanna hold him while I…?” He motioned to the red slices across his chest with his free hand.

Tyreen glanced around the group. Fiona was still holding her hand over her nose and mouth, shaking her head. Moze was… _definitely_ focused on Troy’s abs. “Anyone?” Gaige and Sasha just shrugged. She narrowed her eyes. “If you’re trying to trick me into keeping this cat, I swear to God… _Fine_. Hand him over.”

“You don't have to make such a huge fucking deal out of it,” Troy complained.

Tyreen's glare was downright scathing. “Then _apparently_ you don't remember the baby bird. Or the snake. Or the—”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Just take the cat.” He pushed the towel into her hands. “I _swear_ it's only for tonight.”

“I don't _believe_ you…!” she sang at his retreating back. He flipped her off before shutting the bathroom door again. She rolled her eyes.

Moze's voice was the first to break the silence. “So, uh...didn't know Troy wears glasses.”

“He doesn't, usually. But— _oh no, no way_ —” Tyreen intercepted the kitten as it made an attempt to escape. “—he's blind as shit—”

“ _Heard that too!_ ”

“—and wears contacts most the time.” She cocked an eyebrow at Moze. “But be honest, that's _not_ what you were lookin’ at.”

The younger girl's face flushed a shade darker. She stirred at her drink, mumbling, “Just didn't expect he'd be…”

“Like _that?_ ” Gaige filled in. “Yeah, I didn't expect it either the first time—” She cut herself off abruptly. “Uh.”

“The first time _what...?_ ” Sasha asked cautiously.

Tyreen rolled her eyes, aware that she was the only one _not_ acting like Gaige had just confessed to murder. “They hooked up. It was, like, a year ago.”

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

“It was at an engineering thing! We were both drunk!” Gaige shrieked in an attempt to defend herself. “Neither of us remember anything about it! It just sorta…” She gestured helplessly. “We woke up with, like, half our clothes on the floor and honestly I wouldn't have believed anything happened except I had dried c—”

“ _OH MY GOD, SHUT THE **FUCK** UP!_” Troy yelled. “Literally _no one_ needs to know the details!”

“Yeah, I'm with him on that,” Sasha admitted, her expression sour.

Tyreen attempted to hide a snicker behind her hand. Her unoccupied hand. The hand that wasn't scratching the kitten behind the ears. “The only reason I found out was ‘cause as _soon_ as he got back and had his head in the toilet, he started cryin’ about it—”

Troy stalked out of the bathroom, scowling. “I was _not_ crying—”

“You were crying and puking and—”

“And now I'm _leaving_. Gimme the cat—wait, are you _petting—?_ ”

“Shut up. Take him.” The kitten, lulled by Tyreen's attention, gave a confused _'mrrrp?’_ as he was roused by yet another handoff. “Go...listen to some music or something.”

“So you can tell more lies about me? I see how it is.”

“Oh my _God_ , would you just take your emotional support animal and _go_ , already? _Please?_ ”

“C'mon, Mal,” Troy sniffed. “We don't need them anyway.”

Tyreen gulped down the rest of her drink as he disappeared into his room, half in an attempt to not snark back at him and half in an attempt to get buzzed. “Anyone want refills?” she sighed once he closed the door.

Fiona silently raised her empty glass.

“You know, you're the only one here with a brother,” Gaige mused.

“And ain't I lucky,” Tyreen drawled, taking Fiona's glass and slouching back into the kitchen. “I mean...I love him, obviously. But he's a pain in the ass.” She paused, cocking her head toward his bedroom door. “Okay, I think we're good. He can't hear us. What'd you have, Fi? Lime?”

“Yep.”

“So...should I or should I _not_ try to...y'know.” Moze clicked her tongue and nodded in the direction of Troy's room.

“If you wanna go out with my brother, you have my blessing. Or...whatever. But...maybe don't go for the kill _immediately?_ Give him some time. Get to know him first.”

“More like know what you're getting _into_ ,” Gaige joked.

“I… _think_ I've got a pretty good idea.”

Tyreen tuned them out and took another long drink of her margarita. Troy's follower count was starting to make sense.


End file.
